Ephesians 1:3-4 says:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
So God has all these spiritual blessings in the heavenly places that He wants to give us, and He wants to give them to us "in Christ". This "in Christ" is VERY significant.
Paul over and over in his letters says that the Church is the "body of Christ":
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (Eph 5:23)
For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. (1 Cor 12:12)
Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. (1 Cor 12:27)
Now, we have to ask what is the significance that the Church is the body of Christ and that His blessings are in Christ. I won't talk about all the significance. I just want to focus on one little aspect: God really wants to use the Church as the distribution center of His blessings. For some reason in his infinite wisdom, God has chosen to limit himself, so to speak, to use His Church as the primary instrument of dispensing his grace. This is not an absolute limitation. God can always do whatever He wants, but what He really wants is to use the church. When a child in African dies from starvation, this is not the fault of God's ability; rather, it is the fault of the Church not adequately engaging in its mission to be God's grace distribution organism.
This does not mean that God does not sometimes act out of the ordinary and help people directly--mystically meeting some need without the cooperation of other humans. He does this too. But He has a strong preference, and in order to help the Church realize the importance of its mission, He limits His direct mystical involvement. Remember, it is all about relationship: love God by loving people. If God always directly poured out His grace, we would never learn the "by loving people" part.
So, each day when I pray for my friends and family, I am consciously trying to participate in this mission. Just as a body has many organs, and each organ has a different function, so in the Church, each person has a different function at different times. For example, if I am standing next to you, I can function as an ear. If I am not next to you, I can at least function as an intercessor that God would motivate someone standing next to you to be an ear.
God is happy when I cooperate with Him because He sees His abundant grace getting distributed. I am happy because I get to cooperate with God and through it I also grow in intimacy with Him. I already am His body, but the more I act like His body, the more I will feel like His body.
Now, some people might agree with everything I have just said, but we still have two differences "in the implementation":
- Some think that when someone dies, God magically makes them perfect in every way. I don't think this is the case. If I had a heart of prejudice here on earth, I will still have a heart of prejudice after I die. But God does not want me to stay in that state forever. He wants me to keep growing and will provide a perfect environment so that I can keep growing. He will wipe away my tears, take away sorrow. And by His grace will be able, hopefully more quickly than on earth, to be able to walk out of prejudice. I will never be perfect because only God is perfect, and He is infinite. As a finite creature, I can only ever be "in the process of growing in Christlikeness". The main difference in the afterlife is that the environment is perfect so I am guaranteed to make progress even if I was relatively stuck on earth.
- Remember I said that everything is about relationship. Well, I don't think the relationship thing stops when someone dies. Hebrews 11:39-40 says of the Old Testament saints, "And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect." What does that mean? For one thing, it means that I can help Moses along his journey toward Christlike perfect. Isn't that cool? But I never really had a relationship with Moses, so I don't spend a lot of time praying that he become more Christlike. However, I did have a relationship with my deceased dad and brother and piano teacher. And so I continue to pray for them. That the incipient virtues they had in this life would grow more mature. I don't spend hours every day praying for friends and family who have died, probably less than a minute each day, but what I don't want to do is to completely forget them. I don't want my love for them to grow cold. I am not standing next to them, so I cannot be an ear, but I can still pray for them.
When someone says, "You think God's grace is not sufficient so you have to keep praying for people after they die or they won't make it", I realize just how poorly I have communicated my convictions. We agree that I am praying for people who died, but we definitely don't agree on my motive:
- God's grace IS sufficient, and He offers me the privilege to partner with Him in distributing that grace.
- I am not primarily praying for those who "won't make it". No amount of prayer will change a person's eternal destiny. My goal is NOT to pray someone out of Purgatory or the Lake of Fire. I can't do the first for the simple reason that Purgatory does not exist; I can't do the second since its too late to change the result of the Final Judgment. "For it is appointed unto man once to die and after that the judgement." (Hebrews 9:27). Once someone has died, it's too late to change the result of the judgment.
I hope that this has been helpful to clarify my understanding. I would like to recommend a book that C. S. Lewis wrote. He used a work of fiction to help illustrate the historic Christian understanding of the afterlife. It is much different from what I was taught in my upbringing, and in my opinion, it much more authentically honors our free will and the image of God that we bear. Please read The Great Divorce.